Crystal Clear
by Feral Geek
Summary: Sheppard is injured on a mission, Rodney watches.Roles reverse.Now a Series!
1. Home

Title: -untitled-

Author: Feral Geek

Genre: Angst. Songfic

Warning: okay, contains light slash of the mcshep type, don't like? Don't like? Don't read, this is also my first fan fiction here, and is un-beta-ed, please review, constructive criticism is welcome. Please don't kill me because it sucks so bad. If someone would like to be my beta, please e-mail me!

Disclaimer: I don't own SGA or the characters, wish I did, but I don't, all I have is a little Steve!plushie, and you can't have that. The song is My December by Linkin Park.

This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear

He could see Carson's mouth moving, but couldn't hear the words. Everything was muted save for the low buzz that seemed to have filled his mind as the edges of his vision blurred and the infirmary faded to gray, and all he could see what blood.

Sheppard's blood.

John's blood.

He had seen it all before, the other bleeding, injured, but never this bad.

This is my December  
This is my snow covered home  
This is my December  
This is me alone

He was still unaware of his teammates around him, of Elizabeth and Carson asking questions, their voices only added to the buzz, and all he could think about was what had happened, and even then the events were hazy.

And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed  
And I  
Take back all the things I said to you

Something had happened back on that planet, a place where the native peoples were still primitive, and were worshiping an ancient device.

Not that they had known.

But they had not stopped to think, simply locating it and studying it, which was fine. But things had started to go down hill when he had asked Sheppard to try and active it.  
The colonel had barley even reached out to it, about to touch the device, when they had been attacked.

It was totally unexpected, and Rodney could barley remember even seeing their attackers until the scuffle was over.

It had been brief, a few shots fired and they were gone, taking their wounded with them. But those few minutes had been enough.

Sure, they were all wounded, but all thoughts of themselves were forgotten as Sheppard's inert form came into view, eyes slightly glazed, blood soaking into his shirt. From his chest protruded a javelin-like weapon.  
It was all they could do to keep him up as they made way for the gate, the whole time Rodney calling for a medical team.

And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to  
This is my December  
These are my snow covered dreams  
This is me pretending  
This is all I need

At first he had been vocal, voice tight, panicked as he tried to explain to Carson what had happened, but he had fallen silent when they reached the infirmary, and had seen them hooking John into machines, trying to fix him.

It was so strange, to see him so still…even at easy, resting, John had always seemed alert, energetic.

And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed

Vaguely Rodney realized that he had begun to refer to the colonel as John, instead of Sheppard as he had always done. For a moment he tried to understand why, but suddenly it did not matter to him, as a gentle tugging interrupted his thoughts, and the infirmary snapped back into focus.

"If fine." Rodney snapped, slightly startling the others, Rodney, with his hypochondriac nature, was often paranoid about even the slightest injury. However the good doctor did not back off, eventually talking the slightly dazed scientist into taking a seat, where he once again feel silent, lapsing into thought.

And I  
Just wish that I didn't feel  
Like there was something I missed

Still his mind was on John…Sheppard…Colonel, Rodney did not even know exactly what the think, except that suddenly it felt like there was a void in him somewhere, the edges of the blackness festering, like a gaping wound.  
Broken, alone, scared.

And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to

Days slowly passed, and McKay spent much of his free time beside his fallen teammate, leaving only to work, or if one of the medics sent him away to sleep, or to get food. Even then he did not want to leave, but as the days wore on, it grew harder and harder to make him leave for those reasons.  
He was afraid the Sheppard would never wake up, he had to be there, if something happened…

It scared him, that thought.

And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to

Atlantis was the only real home that Rodney had known for years.

It was home, because this was where John Sheppard was.

This is my December  
This is my time of the year  
This is my December  
This is all so clear  
And I give it all away  
Just to have somewhere to go to  
Give it all away  
To have someone to come home to

-fin-

please, review!


	2. Dreams

Title: Dreams

Author: Feral Geek

Rating: Pg-13

Summary: McShep, second installment in the Crystal Clear series. The boys talk, Rodney dreams, John listens.

Disclaimer: I no own Stargate.

A/N:...REVIEW

ONWARDS!

---

Eight days and John Sheppard still lay in the infirmary, silent and still.

If Rodney closed his eyes he could pretend that John was asleep, and would wake up at any minute with that stupid flyboy grin plastered on his face.

So he closed his eyes and buried his head in his arms, hands in the smooth white bed sheet that was twisted around John's unconscious body, and reveled in the cool darkness it provided.

And he stayed like that until something warm lightly brushed against his hair, accompanied by a single word; "Rodney?"  
His head snapped up, and met a pair of hazel eyes, tired and glazed but open.

His lips were cracked and the usual lazy drawl was hoarse, soft from disuse.

"John" disbelief and wonder mingled in that single syllable, the crooked mouth slightly open, missing the usual smirk which had vanished the second that John Sheppard's body had hit the ground. "You're awake..."

The cracked lips pulled into a smile, a thin trickle of blood creeping from where they had broken slightly.

Despite his joy, Rodney could tell something was wrong.

It sounded like the John Sheppard he knew, and it looked like him too, but the eyes were too vacant and glazed, like he was still unconscious and heavily drugged.

"What happens next?"

Once again he had to strain to hear the words, and for once he admitted, "I don't know...Beckett will come and check you over...practice more of ."

"What happens to...us?"

His mouth opened, but the words caught in his throat.  
John was not lucid at the moment, but the expression in those glazed eyes was almost too much for him to bear.

"You wake up and we save Atlantis from the Wraith."

"Together?" a hand that had found his tightened weakly, clinging slightly.

"Yeah...together" the words were choked and sounded false, but from the grin that was still plastered on Sheppard's face...he could tell that the other believed him.

"Tell me more."

"We...we...survive...life goes on and the city loves you, I go back to my labs and you go back to your soldiers, and we go on missions...and..." he trailed off, not knowing what to say as he saw the other's face fall.

Seeing him this expressive was just distressing.

Even at the best of times, Sheppard was guarded.

"Will you stay with me?" here the words were almost scared, and it felt like something was tearing inside Rodney's chest.

"Always."

"Would you marry me?" now he knew that Sheppard wasn't in his right mind, but still he said "Yes." because in the end...even if it was all a drug induced dream, hearing those words come from John's lips...

If only to make that smile come back full force.  
If only to see that look of happiness, so rare an expression these days.

"Tell me about it?"

Here he knew what to say, that day had drifted into his thoughts so many times, so unwanted at first and so very painful as he thought of the thing he wanted and would never receive.

"We hold it on the mainland" he murmured, more confident now as he repeated his personal dream, "Elizabeth decided to abolish 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell'...you'll wear your dress blues." Unconsciously his hand lightly squeezed John's before continuing, "Ronon is your best man...and I'll ask Carson..." he trailed off slightly, "I always liked summer weddings" he finally ended.

"Sounds beautiful...you promise?"

He would never remember this, so Rodney nodded slightly and replied, "I promise."

Somehow that didn't seem to be enough, that he should say more, so the words began to tumble from his mouth, "And...and...things are good finally, we don't die pointlessly, and we grow old together and we won't ever have to go back to Earth, we can stay here and have a family...and whatever you want."

"Always?"

"Yeah," his smile was more of a grimace, but he tried to look happy "We get to be all old and wrinkled together, and no matter what I will always love you...even when we die."

In return he got a smile, and the hazel eyes fluttered shut, the hand going limp in his.

Roughly he pushed his chair out, one hand rubbing through short hair as he stalked away from the bed, passing by Carson who stood in silence, watching his friend.

"Rodney..." the familiar voice began, but he cut it off sharply, "Not now Carson."

In silence he made his way to his quarters.  
In silence he collapsed into his bed, finally allowing sleep to overtake him.  
In silence he dreamed.

---  
A/N: If McShep isn't your cup of tea...or coffee...feel free to flame, I don't care! If it is and you liked it, feel free to heap praise at my feet, and there are beanbag chairs and cardboard boxes all around if you want to lurk and wait for the third installment of this...series should I call it?  
...and I will probably go back over it and edit it later


	3. Promises

Title: Promises

Author: Feral Geek

Rating: Pg-13

Summary: McShep, third installment in the Crystal Clear series, John remembered.

A/N: Yeah, yeah, this is weird as hell and a freaking cliché...but hey, I like it, the person this is written for liked it...so its all good

ONWARDS!  
---

Five months later and Sheppard was mended.

Six months later and John Sheppard was kneeling in the dirt of a foreign planet, arms wrapped around McKay, one hand pressed tightly against the gaping wound in his leg.  
He didn't have to be a doctor to see that one of the crude bullets had nicked the femoral artery.  
The other hand was firmly tangled in short brown hair was he watched Rodney fade.

This was not how it was supposed to end.

The team had finally escaped, each one of them covered in bruises, and cuts with crude bandages wrapped around the worst of their injuries.

However Rodney was the worst off.

The people of this planet had seen the Genii flyers requesting the capture of Lanteans with the ATA gene, and they knew that the reward was no longer valid.  
However they had a number of Ancient artifacts that could be used, and the moment they had seen the two enter the main village, they had attacked.

The small group had been taken; drugged at what they had believed was a welcoming feast only to wake the next morning in a dingy cell, one of their number missing.

Truth be told, the Rodney that had been captured was not the same Rodney that had first stepped though the Stargate.  
But even so the cries of pain could be heard.  
"Don't you dare die, Rodney."  
A choking laugh and blood frothed from the scientist's lips, "Why not?"  
The sharp blue eyes were slightly glazed, staring at nothing and everything at once, staring through him.  
"Because you promised."  
For the barest second he became lucid, staring right at John.

John had not forgotten what Rodney had told him that night in the infirmary, instead, he had clung to those very words like a drowning man clings to a bit of flotsam, trying to stay afloat in the darkness.

In the distance came the familiar watery sound of an incoming wormhole, causing Teyla to make her way up the low hill for a better look.

"There is puddlejumper coming" she announced, looking back at the pair.

Ronon had been sent ahead, well enough and fast enough to make it to the gate and get a medical team assembled and back through to the remaining members of his team.

However the Athosian's words fell on deaf ears, and she looked back at the pair, then moved away to give them more privacy.  
Roughly John grabbed one of Rodney's hands, pulling it upwards to the gleaming tags that hung from his neck.  
Those hands were deft enough to seek out the smallest details in any artifact, so they would definitely feel what he had carved into the metal.  
One finger traced the embossed letters, and then passed over the awkward marks that John had placed beside them.

The words that left the dying man's lips could barley be heard, "John Sheppard...McKay."

Their first kiss was soaked in blood and drenched in tears, bitter and hard.  
"You ing promised me."

It would be their last.

His last words were filled with a sort of wonder, broken and falling from torn lips, "You remembered."  
A gasp and a gagging choke before his body went limp in John's arms.

No sound forced its way from his throat, though he desperately wanted to scream, all that came forth was a small whimper as he looked up at the sky, shaking violently.

There was a strange lightness to Rodney's body, as though all he was was just a hollow shell.  
And when John looked down, even that was gone.

For a moment he was confused, staring blankly at his empty arms, until the soft gasps of the arriving medical team made him look up.

Gleaming tendrils of light brushed against his face before ascending through the trees and into the light of a failing sun.

"Rodney..."

---  
A/N: If McShep isn't your cup of tea...or coffee...feel free to flame, I don't care! If it is and you liked it, feel free to heap praise at my feet, and there are beanbag chairs and cardboard boxes all around if you want to lurk and wait to see if there is any more for this series


	4. Optional Ending

Title: Unbroken

Author: Feral Geek

Rating: Pg-13

Summary: McShep, last installment in a series, death is the key to rebirth

A/N: Last installment in a four part series. The series originally started out as a one shot, but at the prodding of a certain someone (you know who you are) it became this. I hope ye liked it!

Slight...wee tiny spoiler for 'Epiphany' its really, really tiny...may not even matter.

ONWARDS!  
--- 

There was nothing left to bury.

But a little thing like that wouldn't keep Atlantis from holding a ceremony in Rodney's memory.

The turnout was incredible, even those that detested the man were there to mourn his passing.

And for the most part, the people that spoke were honest, knowing that even if the words stung, that Rodney...for all he would deny it, would have wanted them to be honest.

Even so, those very qualities that made him...to be quite frank, irritating, were those qualities that had save Atlantis countless times.

Those people that spoke were obvious, Radek Zelenka, Elizabeth Weir, John Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, Carson Beckett, and to the surprise of a few, Ronon Dex.

Each of them spoke of something different, like the first time they met Rodney, or of the times they had spent with him.

For the most part, the speeches were short, but John's was rather long, with a period of silence as he tried to gather his thoughts.

You can't really prepare a speech for someone you loved without letting it slip.

In the end it did slip, as he spoke of the times that he had argued with Rodney, how the other irritated him.

Instead of sounding insulting, the words were more touching...those were the things that John would miss most about Rodney, those irritating little quirks, and the way he could do anything under pressure.

The ending was rather abrupt, no good-bye, John's hands just gripped the podium's edges, before he backed away and nearly bolted.

He had never been good at this sort of thing.

---

So many years later and once again John Sheppard was wheeled into the infirmary, completely unconscious and covered in blood.

This time they had not let Kolya get away with it, they had lost far too many people to that man.

And they would loose another.

He was older now, obviously, there were a few more lines, and the tousled hair was shot with bits of grey.

All of them were older.

The infirmary was a madhouse as doctors swept about, trying to repair the damage that the Colonel had endured.

It was to no avail.

The monitors that the man was connected to began to sound the alarm, and a nurse began to rush to his bedside, about to try and save him.  
But Carson held her back for a moment, watching in a rather grim silence as the pilot's eyes opened one last time, staring at something beside him.  
A small smile, and he exhaled, the words "I think I'm ready..." barley reaching the ears of those around him.

The words faded with his breath, and slowly his body began to shimmer, pulling away from the bed and swirling up into the air.

The last impression of John Sheppard anyone would see would be one of pure joy, of bubbling happiness.

One of the doctors could have sworn that they saw another glowing figure join John's and rise with him from the city.

And he would swear that he had heard a quite greeting from John before he ascended.

"Hey, Rodney."

FIN

A/N: Hope you liked it...very short...but yeah .. 


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